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• From Purgatory: “Hey Elohim, Wondering why you haven’t renewed Good Housekeeping or Us Weekly. We still have the June issues. Also, we’re looking into new wallpaper if it’s in the budget.”
• From Satan: “heeeey bitch, wanna hit up that chillass lobster place i told you about? cmon man, their breadsticks are the shittttt.”
• From The Westboro Baptist Church: “Are we doing it right?”

Sigh.

Last time I did, though…

Dark Ages…

…

…I’m gonna make myself a cup of joe.

therealsatan:

Any of you guys ever had a special apple before?

They taste awesome…

Don’t even.

Seriously.

therealsatan:

If he gets that shit, FML. Me and him have serious beef.

He keeps throwing me these subtle hints, but I don’t know.

I’m already getting him new wings, but I’m blowing the rest of the budget on new harps and sandals for everyone. So I’m not so sure.

Sleep easy, Lucifer.

mschainsaw:

:’(

:’(

:’(

Wait, what did I do?

I’m just sitting here crunching the numbers on the second coming.

Just, uh… you know, minding my own business.

I’m kind of just sitting on it, waiting ‘til the time is right.

Come on mid-December.

dsfincannon:

What exactly does that entitle me to?

Apparently, no respect.

And let me just say, ouch.

Forgot to go shopping yesterday.

Should have taken advantage of that robe sale, because you know, my kid’s birthday is coming up soon.