SUBMIT YOUR QUESTIONS HERE, AND MAKE THEM FUNNY; YOU MORTALS BORE ME.

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What does it mean when you say “I will smite thee?”

Smiting is my version of a middle finger, except instead of you being mildly offended, you are cast into a painful whirlpool of furious oblivion.

Essentially, it’s like being bitch-slapped so hard you turn into a bagel (whose soul is being consumed by regret.)

Do you have a beard?

If that’s what you want to call this infinite flaring of cosmic energy on my jaw, then yes I have a beard. And Ke$ha likes it.

Do you hate fags?

I don’t necessarily condone smoking cigarettes, even if you are British.

Am I going to Heaven?

Are you a dick?

I disagree with the Bible’s teachings, and I think you are a hypocrite.

I worked with a few ghost writers and the finished product was not what I expected. Any problems, talk to my publisher.