#GOD

My bitchslaps are lightning bolts.
Ask me anything, I know everything.
Frequently asked questions.
Present your tithes and offerings.

Dear God, please bring to me a cute neighbor who i will become best friends with who is a guy. and one day i will ask him to kiss me because i have never been kissed. and he will do it and realize he loves me and then we will date and get married and be together forever

Anonymous

No problem.

I’ve put out an order to send your soulmate. His name is Ivan, he’s from Russia. He should be moving to a town somewhere in your state (or an adjacent one) in about 12-13 years. It was the best I could do; it’s hard messing with destiny and getting an exact hit, sorry.

But you guys are perfect for each other! Good luck! I hope it works out.