Having to watch the awkward exchanges between you twenty-somethings the morning after a one-night stand. I can’t miss a second of anything, so I get caught up in your post-coital fumblings day in and day out. Pathetic.

No she doesn’t want cab money, Derek. She just wants to get over her hangover and for you to never call her again. But you will, won’t you? You’re too clingy and that’s why Beth left you.

…

What? Shut up, these are like my stories.